Linux Lite Forums
General => Off Topic => Topic started by: crazysquirrel on March 06, 2017, 05:31:33 PM
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Why did the cookie go see the psychiatrist? Because it was feeling crummy?
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YYUR
YYUB
ICUR
YY4ME
Usually wrote like this -
yyuryyubicuryy4me
Do you like it ?
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My buddy. Who always thinks he is smarter than me.
Told me onions are the only grocery that can make you cry.
So I threw a coconut at his face.
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;D
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I like this idea, stickied and moved to Off Topic. Just keep it clean and child friendly folks :)You know, common sense stuff.
Have fun!
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The Lost Star Trek Chronicles Transripts
Author is unknown: :-[
In the cold dark reaches of the Rotten Egg Nebula (https://www.cnet.com/news/rotten-egg-nebula-hubble-space-telescope-nasa/)
Picard] "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at
finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to
access their command pathways?"
[Geordi]"Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching
through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."
[Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.]
[Riker looks puzzled.] "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?"
[Data turns to answer.] "Allow me to explain. We will send this
program, for some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command
pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming
system resources at an unstoppable rate."
[Picard] "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter
their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"
[Data] "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new
version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources increases
exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt
quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be
taken over and none will be available for their normal operational
functions."
[Picard] "Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable
geometric shape' idea."
. . 15 Minutes Later . . .
[Data] "Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the
command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all
resources. We however have not received any confirmation of the
expected 'upgrade'."
[Geordi] "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and
CPU capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an
'upgrade' to compensate for their increase."
[Picard] "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if their is
something we have missed."
[Data] "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the
upgrade'. Appearently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan
by not sending in their registration cards.
[Riker] "Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin
emergency escape sequence 3F . . ."
[Geordi, excited] "Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has
suddenly dropped to 0% !"
[Picard] "Data, what does your scanners show?"
[Data] "Appearently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module
named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity."
[Picard] "Lets wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can reduce their
functionality."
. . Two Hours Pass . . .
[Riker] "Geordi whats the status on the Borg?"
[Geordi] "As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to
compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they
successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space
monitor beacon to transmit more 'windows' modules from something called
the 'Microsoft fun-pack'.
[Picard] "How much time will that buy us ?"
[Data] "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest
time span of 6 more hours."
[Geordi] "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."
[Picard] "Identify."
[Data] "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft'
logo"
[Over the speakers] "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT
FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED
SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURREDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY
TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS"
[Data] "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released
thousands of humanoid shaped objects."
[Picard] "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft"
[Riker] "Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight toward
the Borg ship with no life support suits! How can they survive the
tortures of deep space ?!"
[Data] "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look
closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something
recognized by twenty-first century man as doe skin leather briefcases,
and wearing Armani suits"
[Riker and Picard together horrified] "Lawyers !!"
[Geordi] "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent
hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."
[Data] "True, but apparently some must have survived."
[Riker] "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with
all types of papers."
[Data] "I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as 'red tape' it
often proves fatal."
[Riker] "They're tearing the Borg to pieces !"
[Picard] "Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch, not even the
Borg deserve that." __________________
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How did the Penguin do on her test ?
She winged it.
What makes Penguins good on the internet ?
Web feet.
What do Penguins wear to the beach ?
A Beak ini.
What do you call a Happy Penguin ?
A Peng-Grin
What do you call a Penguin with 1 eye ?
Penguin.
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What do you call a reigning Monarch?
-A Queen who's all wet
Rudolph & his wife Ivana are in Moscow arguing. He says it's raining, she says it's snowing. Who won the argument?
-The husband. Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
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Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
:)
What do you give a sick bird ?
Tweet ment
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When the smog lifts in Los Angeles,
U.C.L.A.
Those who get too big for their pants.
Will be exposed in the end.
Why did the cops arrest the 5 year old boy in the day care center?
He was resisting a rest.
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Total Control
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9nDB4kQVyw
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4m9y0su54o
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jpUnPkCxzg
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To save server space and maintain speed, a few punch lines.
A) You can't have your kayak and heat it.
B) A Vole and his bunny are soon parted.#
C) Hans that does dishes is as soft as Jervaise over a mild green hairy lipped squid.
It's the way I tell them!!
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IF OPERATING SYSTEMS RAN AIRLINES
UNIX Airways: Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.
Air DOS: Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on ...
Mac Airlines: All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look neat and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, that you really don't want to know, and that everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up and watch the movie.
Windows Air: The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air and at 40,000 feet, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.
Windows NT Air: Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses 4 much bigger planes to cover the same route, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.
Linux Air: Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. You take the seat to a location of your choice and bolt it into the deck, per the instructions. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "Jesus, you had to do what with the seat? ... "
;D
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IF OPERATING SYSTEMS RAN AIRLINES
UNIX Airways: Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.
Air DOS: Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on ...
Mac Airlines: All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look neat and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, that you really don't want to know, and that everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up and watch the movie.
Windows Air: The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air and at 40,000 feet, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.
Windows NT Air: Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses 4 much bigger planes to cover the same route, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.
Linux Air: Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. You take the seat to a location of your choice and bolt it into the deck, per the instructions. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "Jesus, you had to do what with the seat? ... "
;D
omg, you made me hilarious ... whos the genius with this idea...
PS: i wish if others would know this ..then our market share would be almost 89%
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Good one isn't it? It's an old one that from the Windows 98/NT days, still relevant today though.
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A PRAYER FOR THE STRESSED
GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE, THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS THAT I CANNOT ACCEPT AND THE WISDOM TO HIDE THE BODIES OF THOSE I HAD TO KILL TODAY BECAUSE THEY GOT ON MY NERVES.
ALSO HELP ME TO BE CAREFUL OF THE TOES I STEP ON TODAY AS THEY MAY BE CONNECTED TO THE FEET I HAVE TO KISS TOMORROW.
HELP ME ALWAYS TO GIVE 100% AT WORK...............................
12% ON MONDAY
23% ON TUESDAY
40 % WEDNESDAY
20%THURSDAY
AND 5% ON FRIDAY
AND HELP ME TO REMEMBER..................
WHEN I AM HAVING A BAD DAY AND IT SEEMS THAT PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO WIND ME UP, IT TAKES 42 MUSCLES TO FROWN, 28 TO SMILE AND ONLY 4 TO EXTEND MY ARM AND SMACK SOMEONE IN THE MOUTH.
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it's on imgur .... wasn't able to BBCode it as it wasn't uploaded by me ... funny though
https://imgur.com/gallery/DXx8UCH
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Another one
https://imgur.com/gallery/tkweQ
OMG IMGUR IS AMAZING ... NOW THAT'S A ONE I WASNT ABLE TO PERSIESTE (PS comments are more hilarious than the post itself :LOL:)
https://imgur.com/gallery/Qqsml
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Been awhile. Here is one I like.
A man owned a small ranch near Great Falls, Montana. The Montana Labor Department got a tip that he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an investigator out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the investigator.
"Well," replied the rancher, "there's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1200 a week plus free room and board."
"The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $1000 per week plus free room and board."
"Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day, with no days off, and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week and pays his own room and board."
"But, I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night, and he also sleeps with my wife occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to... the half-wit," says the investigator.
"You're talking to him," replied the rancher.
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Of the USA
The population of this country is 237 million people.
104 million people are retired.
That leaves 133 million people to do the work.
There are 85 million people in school, which leaves 48 million people to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million people employed by the federal government.
Leaving 19 million people to do the work.2.8 million people are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million people to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million people to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 people to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And you are sitting at your computer reading jokes...
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Of the USA
The population of this country is 237 million people.
104 million people are retired.
That leaves 133 million people to do the work.
There are 85 million people in school, which leaves 48 million people to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million people employed by the federal government.
Leaving 19 million people to do the work.2.8 million people are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million people to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million people to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 people to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And you are sitting at your computer reading jokes...
will ... this doesn't sound real ..... anyway I am not from the USA so this leaves only you ...
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will ... this doesn't sound real ..... anyway I am not from the USA so this leaves only you ...
And he's from the UK so that leaves no one ;D
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:)
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And he's from the UK so that leaves no one ;D
;D ;D
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We all get sad when jokes end .... and as that we only have 15 jokes in this thread till now ... here's a 200 to keep the heart sporting
http://www.short-funny.com/
http://www.short-funny.com/best-knock-jokes.php
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SfwwPS7IfM
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Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning – though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, “I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.”
They throw the switch and nothing happens. The executioners all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. “I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.
They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.
The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, “Well, I’m from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right now, ya’ll ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in.
(http://postmyimage.com/img2/713_new_kid.jpg)
WASHINGTON—After yesterday’s announcement that the president received a perfect score on his cognitive assessment, White House physician Ronny L. Jackson told reporters Wednesday that follow-up tests confirmed that President Trump’s 19 other personalities are also perfectly healthy.
“After an extensive psychological evaluation, we’ve determined that Tommy JoJo, Professor O’Shannassy, Officer Pittz, and each of the president’s 16 other identities are in good condition,” said Jackson, adding that each distinct psychic identity, from Little Holly Anne Tibblseby to DJ Pump ’Em Up, demonstrated robust mental acuity, emotional stability, and memory function. “Despite the advanced age of Ol’ Jack the 70-year-old New York cabby and Civil War colonel Virgil Conway, none of President Trump’s personalities exhibited signs of neurological deterioration.
Even 3-year-old Jacky demonstrated the clarity and intellectual fitness required to handle the presidency.” At press time, however, Jackson reported the emergence of a volatile Fred Trump personality, which was in a constant state of agitation and which left the president exhausted long after it returned control of his mind.
(http://content.invisioncic.com/r96028/monthly_2018_01/capture12.jpg.959c493877a8560fa085e33736030bb8.jpg)
(http://content.invisioncic.com/r96028/monthly_2018_01/5a6649d7ab1ce_MonCARTOONohmy.jpg.32c312cb3febcf9d15cd0b48e2e95e7f.jpg)
Reuters: Breaking News! Melina Trump learns of Trumps new porn star mistress. She enacts her own govt. Shutdown.
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Q : why were the jelly fish unhappy ?.
A : there were not any peanut butter fish around .
--------
Q : what do you call a clock on a belt ?.
A : a waste of time.
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@bitsnpcs
I haz a cat so at first I was impress by the Kido video but then remember that my cat can catch tiny bits of food from the air in a badly lit room. With cat's eye and reflexes, that game must be in slow-motion and boooring. ;)
@ptyerman
LOLed at the joke before reading it because I remember the great OS wars years. I lost since I had an Amiga then but I won because it was so great years before it's time. Also remember the Windows / Rolling Stones parody of the time? I still have the MP3 I listen from time to time.
I'll refrain from going to YouTube from now on, lost a couple hours in there... again... Darn you moving pictures and click baits.
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It could also be that cats have good hearing, it hears the ball inside the cup, it is why it hesitates on an occasion, as it is listening to locate the sound of it still moving ;)
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@TheDead
I still have my Amiga's and use them regularly, therefore I won the OS wars! ;) . Even now they are still ahead of other OS's in some ways.
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The Stupidest Traffic Ticket in the History of Ever!
I'm sitting at a red light, just waiting for the light to change to green. Just sitting there. Then this stupid, confused bird goes THUMP right on my windscreen!
I'm like, "Get off my truck, you stupid critter!"
I guess the bird was stunned or something, he didn't budge. So I put the wipers on and kinda flipped it off the truck.
I'm done now, right?
THUMP!
I look over, and that bird has ended up on the car next to mine. And don't you know... it's a police car.
The cop lights 'em up, pulls me over and says, "Boy I'm gonna have to write you up."
"What in heck for?" I asked, feeling a little stunned myself now.
What did I get a ticket for?
Wait for it...
"Flipping me the bird!" says the officer, barely hiding a big smile.
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Reminds me of a true story when I was in college.
I was with my friends at a red light when a bunch of other guys arrive at the light look at my friend that was driving and reved there engine, they wanted to race.
My friend was ready and reved his motor in challenge. Everybody was ready... When the light turned green the other guys put the pedal down, full throttle, did a few zig zags and smoke and were off like there was no tommorow.
My friend accelerated like a sunday grandma... He has seen that there was a police car just behind the other guys that was also waiting for the green light. ;)
Took just a few seconsd for the police to turn the siren and flashing red and blue lights on and give what was probably a big fat ticket to the would be racers.
We drove past them slowly, the look on their faces was priceless.
I think it was one of those instant karma things.
Cheers!
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A classic Tommy Cooper gag "I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays",
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Daily Telegraph UK TOP 50 JOKES OF ALL TIME
1. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
2. "I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu."
3. "Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
4. A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
5. A classic Tommy Cooper gag "I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays", was fifth.
6. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.
7. Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.
8. Another one was: Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied.
9. I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
10. A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
11. I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
12. My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
13. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".
14. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
15. There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
16. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
17. When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband".
18. "My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that."
19. I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller", he said "Not you again".
20. I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
21. A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
22. Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.
23. A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
24. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"
25. The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
26. I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
27. Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.
28. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
29. I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, "Are you two an item?"
30. I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.
31. So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
32. Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"
33. I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
34. There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
35. I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said, "Those are pickled onions".
36. I backed a horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.
37. I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for! You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"
38. A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, What a turtle disaster
39. My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know! If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"
40. I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?" I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
41. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
42. I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.
43. You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.
44. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
45. I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
46. I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.
47. So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray.
48. Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.
49. A seal walks into a club...
50. I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'. So I went - and I got it.
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Humour for masochists
Came across this website also.
http://www.extremelysmart.com/humor/puntest.php
The beauty of this one is that is the punch lines only. You have to use your brain to think what the full joke might have been. :) ??
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(moved my own useless message since I replied to wrong poster. It''s all your fault iPhone!! >:( )
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Classic Bob Monkhouse joke:
"When I said I wanted to be a comedian, everyone laughed. Well, they're not laughing now."
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(corrected post)
It could also be that cats have good hearing, it hears the ball inside the cup, it is why it hesitates on an occasion, as it is listening to locate the sound of it still moving ;)
Sorry, didn't see your response on my punny phone screen... Yeah, you're right, forgot about cats earing, uploader should do the test with a sponge ball like the "classic" method. Duh duh duuuh!. One thing though, yeah cats are hunting/killing machines, but no offence, sometimes they're so dumb, it's hilarious. ;) ... I luve my kitteh!
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If the cat can hear the creature move a blade of grass , it can hear the sponge too ;)
what colour/s is you cat ?
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If the cat can hear the creature move a blade of grass , it can hear the sponge too ;)
what colour/s is you cat ?
All back with a white tail tip. It's a medium-small cat, with sharp, pointy, teeth. ;)
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Thanks :)
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https://youtu.be/HwVh8pmOot4
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Time to lighten up...
(https://i.imgur.com/8KyFX8d.png)
(https://i.imgur.com/sFJKid9.png)
(https://i.imgur.com/yUT7Fws.png)
(https://i.imgur.com/8LcFUjq.png)
(https://i.imgur.com/mYxq0az.png)
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nH0NYvniqVw
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Who does not know JP?
https://youtu.be/z0O_VYcsIk8
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Lemme tell you a joke, alright? No, seriously, it is a joke. Here we go.
Construction site. The foreman gathers his crew and says:
listen up, people. Today, the owner is going to visit the site. I want none of you to loiter. I want him to see how we are working hard here to get the thing done. Like never. Understood? If he complaints to me that we are doing lazy and points out to any of you as an example, you will remember.
So the said owner comes, looks around, the work is on to any imaginable extent, everything satisfactory. But suddenly, notices this one dude running just back and forth with empty wheelbarrow. Stops him and asks why running back and forth with empty wheelbarrow? The man replies:
Sir, the work is so tight there is no time to even load up.
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One of my favourite classics:
https://youtu.be/RPsDDr0n9AE
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Legendary classic. Millions, if not dozens of millions of views, total, throughout the time. Gross mismanagement behind this video disallows to prove the claim first hand, since initially, at the time of greatest popularity, it was uploaded to Google+, as well as - for some insecure reasons - reuploaded and then reuploaded again, when on Youtube. Anyway, here it is, the Fear of Girls:
https://youtu.be/7Mp7Ikko8SI
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This time topic is guns:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWA0rukqrYQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_cUvjZCLL0
https://youtu.be/2REG3-Wb5gM
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The company referenced perhaps in the linked video, is not a solitary representative of a discussed problem. The problem, whatsoever, is not as much greed, as it is the disrespectful demeanor towards the consumer base. But a single company, in particular of such scope as the one possibly indicated, is very unlikely to be an exception in the grander picture. It could be an exemplary of insolent edge to the case, but certain common denominators certainly do exist among the fruit of the same branch, even among the fruit of the same tree. What do we talk about, is the industry, in particular the entertainment industry of digital gaming. The problem, is disrespect. What does the critically orientated consumer base go primarily against, in my opinion, is not even the sickly but unfortunately common practice of commercial truth mishandling or otherwise poorly actions and behaviors - it is the problem of when it is done in particularly cynical, dishonest, derogatory way, victimizing the consumer. Which is why, some companies, primarily those of pure contemporary industry shape, become particular subjects for criticism. Nonetheless, such as with the metaphor of an iceberg, what we see in plain sight, is only a small fraction of the patterns more expanseful and rooted deeply into the environmental tissue.
https://youtu.be/su_qPRTCZ_U
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Random encounter:
https://youtu.be/k3sZnW67nSk
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Imagine a certain scene. Wasteland. You have been travelling through the desert for a couple of days now, running short on food and drinkable water. Suddenly, on the horizon, amidst the literal nowhere, you spot a tiny blue dot, a figure perhaps. Coming closer, you recognize it is a portable toilet unit, a plastic mansized trapezoid, all clean and neat, shining brightly in the sun of the noon. "Happy Birthday!".
Kind of like with the first scene from Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior, speaking of which:
https://youtu.be/yybBJ6EQCNY
EDIT:
Hey, if you find it offensive, all humour is offensive.
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This is a sticky thing:
https://youtu.be/qRuNxHqwazs
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LOL
https://turnoff.us/geek/linux-master-hero/
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A few covid Jokes
3. Since everybody has now started washing their hands, the peanuts at the bar have lost their taste.
2. They said that a mask and gloves were enough to go to the supermarket. They lied, everyone else has clothes on.
1. Before Corona Virus I used to cough to cover a fart, now I fart to cover a cough.
source:Top 10 Covid Jokes (https://www.keeplaughingforever.com/post/top-10-corona-virus-jokes)
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Tomorrow, when you get to that job you *love,* (sarcasm) always remember that boss spelled backwards is double-S, O, B.
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Red paint.