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Jokes Thread

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JohnD:
Total Control

bitsnpcs:


newtusmaximus:
To save server space and maintain speed, a few punch lines.
A) You can't have your kayak and heat it.
B) A Vole and his bunny are soon parted.#
C) Hans that does dishes is as soft as Jervaise  over a mild green hairy lipped squid.

It's the way I tell them!!

ptyerman:
IF OPERATING SYSTEMS RAN AIRLINES

UNIX Airways: Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

Air DOS: Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on ...

Mac Airlines: All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look neat and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, that you really don't want to know, and that everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up and watch the movie.

Windows Air: The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air and at 40,000 feet, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Air: Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses 4 much bigger planes to cover the same route, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

Linux Air: Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. You take the seat to a location of your choice and bolt it into the deck, per the instructions. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "Jesus, you had to do what with the seat? ... "
 ;D

MohamedKhaled:

--- Quote from: ptyerman on November 05, 2017, 03:50:56 AM ---IF OPERATING SYSTEMS RAN AIRLINES

UNIX Airways: Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

Air DOS: Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on ...

Mac Airlines: All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look neat and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, that you really don't want to know, and that everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up and watch the movie.

Windows Air: The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air and at 40,000 feet, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Air: Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses 4 much bigger planes to cover the same route, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

Linux Air: Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. You take the seat to a location of your choice and bolt it into the deck, per the instructions. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "Jesus, you had to do what with the seat? ... "
 ;D

--- End quote ---

omg, you made me hilarious ... whos the genius with this idea...

PS: i wish if others would know this ..then our market share would be almost 89%

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